Thursday 16 September 2021

It wasn’t worth it, says 103-year-old vegetarian

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oldman4252QLIVING – A MAN who extended his life span by avoiding processed meats bitterly regrets having done so, it has emerged.

103-year-old Roy Hobbs never ate sausages, bacon or black pudding apart from a one-off fried breakfast which he admits was mind-bendingly delicious.

He said: “I am over a century old, partly because I’ve exercised extreme self-control when it comes to my base desire for meat.

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“Many times I’ve been tempted. One time in Birmingham train station I actually bought a burger and raised it to my salivating mouth, but never took a bite.

“Only once, while staying in a corporate hotel for work, did I succumb to a frantic bout of pleasure with a full breakfast buffet. I had fourteen sausages. Afterwards I lay on my bed for two and a half hours, sweaty but elated.”

Hobbs admitted that, despite living to an impressive age, he still thinks about meat with a sense of regret: “I am old now, and frankly it is shit. But it’s too late to eat a steak because I have no teeth.

“If I could I would appear to my younger self as an apparition and say ‘eat burgers, and meat pies too’. But in a deep ghost-y voice so that it sounded convincing.”

From the thedailymash.co.uk

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Q24N is an aggregator of news for Latin America. Reports from Mexico to the tip of Chile and Caribbean are sourced for our readers to find all their Latin America news in one place.

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